As we crossed the pond from Israel to the US, I felt nervous. I’ve flown over the Atlantic a few times before, always with a bit of trepidation. I used to be downright terrified of spending so many hours suspended over the ocean in a metal tube. Sitting 35,000 feet above the deep blue sea, I realize that my location does not sound particularly safe! It’s dark outside––what if something goes wrong? Our only runway now is the surface of the ocean. Crash simulators train pilots to land planes with no ground in sight, but even if perfectly executed, a water landing sounds terrifying. Of course, you have a flotation device––is it the seat cushion or the inflatable vest? In panic mode, who will remember which? Then you must get out of the airplane and assess your surroundings––the icy deep waters.

Since I couldn’t see anything but black outside the window, I found myself constantly looking at the screen on the seat ahead of me that monitored our location. Despite my deficient math abilities, I repeatedly calculated the number of miles and hours until we reached our destination. The difference became my timeframe between anxiety and peace.

Mid-flight, while meditating on the worst possible outcomes, the Lord interrupted my thoughts with this verse, “The words of the mouth are deep waters, but the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook” (Proverbs 18:4). I realized that the anxiety I feel flying over the ocean is similar to the anxiety I feel when someone hurts me with their words. That same familiar knot forms in the pit of my stomach.

Both travel and relationships require risk taking––we may find ourselves in icy water. Yet despite the possibility of danger, I’ve found that both are worth it. Maybe you find yourself floating in scary waters with your husband or another family member right now, or perhaps you are sitting by a bubbling brook, enjoying restored peace with a friend. In the closest of relationships, we will likely experience both.

If a quick fix existed for the turbulence in relationships, I would be all in! But sometimes the time between tension forming and reconciliation seems unbearably long. Thankfully, God provides truths from His Word to apply to these deep-water relational spaces.

• Am I slow to anger? The book of James tells us that “everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). Am I hearing what the other person has to say or jumping to conclusions? “It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11). Do I take offense easily rather than extending grace?
• What am I dwelling on? God’s Word tells us to think about “whatever is true, whatever is worthy of respect, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable…excellent or praiseworthy” (Philippians 4:8). We waste time and emotional energy when we perseverate over the what-ifs of our conversations with another. We can easily spiral into negative thinking, calculating, “if they say this, then I’ll say that.” “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer” (Psalm 19:14).
• Am I being blindsided? The enemy loves to destroy relationships. Sometimes the turbulence appears suddenly, and we are taken by surprise. God implores us to be alert because “the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). Lord, in this moment, help me to give a gentle answer, knowing it can turn away wrath. If I reply harshly, it will stir up anger and make things worse (Proverbs 15:1).
• Am I examining my own heart? Whenwe’ve been hurt by the words of another, it’s easy to focus on how the other person wronged us. But we need to examine what is happening in our own hearts. Paul tells us to “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander” (Ephesians 4:31). Lord, examine my heart because I know what’s in my heart will come out of my mouth (Luke 6:45).
• Am I loving my enemies? Jesus tells us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44). It is difficult to feel animosity towards someone you are praying for. Ask God to help you see them as He sees them. He will likely replace your negative feelings towards them with empathy and compassion. Lord, when needed, help me to forgive others as Christ forgave me (Ephesians 4:32).
• How can I trust God more through this? Maybe the relational flight over the deep blue resembles our flight from Israel––long and arduous. You can’t see through the dark night, and no runways are in sight. Jesus invites us to press into Him and trust Him through it. Lord, I know you see all and hear all. Right now “I do not know what to do, but my eyes are on you” (2 Chronicles 20:12).

God is for us, not against us. His desire is for us to live in unity and peace with one another. Sometimes, he is working on refining us through that difficult neighbor, co-worker or friend. He always has our best interest in mind and wants to help us through our relational flights so that we land safely. Ultimately, God can be trusted no matter what we’re facing in our relationships!